I smell stomach acid.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
