Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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