'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
