Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
