It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
