Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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