I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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