fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
