i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
