alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
