Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
