How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
