yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
