i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
