If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
