I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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