he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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