Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize