Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
