Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well you can't waste a boner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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