Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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