I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
