My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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