i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
