Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
