thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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