pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
