I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
