I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
