cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
