I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
