i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
