Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
