he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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