i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your cock deserves a montage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
