Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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