So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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