Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
