i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
