this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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