The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize