So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
