Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
