Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
