Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
