I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
