drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
