eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
