dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize