I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Randomize