first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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