I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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