i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
