Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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