Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
