she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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