p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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