I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
