Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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