is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
