Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
