Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
