Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
