I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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