so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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