My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
