I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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