so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
