Michael Bay diarrhea
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize