Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
