you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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