i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
