If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
