I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
