we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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