After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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