The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
