Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
