Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
