how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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