He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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