Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize