Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
