drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
