She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize