And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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