U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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