It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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