Where did you get a picture of my penis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She even gives head with a lisp.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
