a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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