I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
