im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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