Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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