you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
