Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
