why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize