you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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