please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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