so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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