its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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