So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
