hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cockslap morals
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
