I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
