I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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