i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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