I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
