I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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