My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
