I faked an abortion last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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