I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
