Dignity is for republicans.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
