How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My cat gives me a boner
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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