Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
