I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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