DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
