why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
