I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
